Pre Placement Talk - Games People Play ! !
Well... so today, after few days of attending some back to back back-breaking ppt's from some of the so called best in class organizations.. I have learnt a few things which previously were never important for me…
So here I am today, sitting in front of this computer sharing some of the classic jargons used by HR's of the companies during the pre placement talks. These are some of the most commonly used things in a ppt.
The words in bold somehow seem to have some deeper meaning...
Well... here goes the first one…
1. "End to End" is the in-thing now... 99% of companies give some form of end to end solutions as against their competitors.Sill wondering how thats possible!!
2. Anyways.. moving on to the next point.....something that you will actually hate to hear even one more time will be the great "value" that the company generates for the customer.
3.
Scenario : A company starts a ppt and it spends first 30 minutes explaining what the well known group (of which the company is the part) does, its billions of dollars of turnover and all the businesses its into.
Interpretation: Take it for granted that the company forms a useless part of the group and at best does some stupid backend job which no one else wants to do.
4. There will be some companies that will focus on something called "cross functional experience" that they give to their new hires. After boasting it so proudly, the next slide for their training programs will show that they will take you through 6 departments in 3 months and that will add some cosmic "value" to you!!!
5. The companies that shamelessly offer the least packages will be the ones that feel most proud in disclosing their package.To add to it, they will even start looking you in your face as if that miserable package would have made your face glow like a moon and given you a reason to continue living on this beautiful planet!
6. The package that the company will offer you will "depend". It will always depend upon factors that the HR doesnot think that you are capable enough or eligible to understand.
(This is what her body language/expressions/whatever will tell u)
7. If you are persistent in knowing what that "depends" means...
Then well.. it depends upon "what you bring to the table"
By the way.. where that table is .. or what i am supposed to "bring to that table" is still remains a well kept secret.
9. Opportunities that the companies will give you will always be based on something called "need".. believe me... for 95 percent of people there will be no such "need" when they need it.
10. If something depends upon "how you perform in the organization".. forget it .. its just a bait!!
11. When ever HR says "There have been cases...when so and so happened" in reply to your question for some opportunities.. ..you should actually interpret it as...
13. There will always be a set of companies.. who ... before the final moment of truth (read salary disclosure) will suddenly once again start talking about how people centric their organization is, its values and the growth it offers etc etc
"If you throw peanuts.. you will get monkeys only"
14. And last of all .....if u are anyways proud to have worked for some seemingly esteemd IT organization like an Infosys or an IBM ... then better have a strong heart because some companies that you will desperately want to get into will look down upon you & shoooo you away saying ...
to be true...this one actually breaks my heart... :(
"We dont offer jobs.. we offer careers...!!!! "
So here I am today, sitting in front of this computer sharing some of the classic jargons used by HR's of the companies during the pre placement talks. These are some of the most commonly used things in a ppt.
The words in bold somehow seem to have some deeper meaning...
Well... here goes the first one…
1. "End to End" is the in-thing now... 99% of companies give some form of end to end solutions as against their competitors.Sill wondering how thats possible!!
2. Anyways.. moving on to the next point.....something that you will actually hate to hear even one more time will be the great "value" that the company generates for the customer.
3.
Scenario : A company starts a ppt and it spends first 30 minutes explaining what the well known group (of which the company is the part) does, its billions of dollars of turnover and all the businesses its into.
Interpretation: Take it for granted that the company forms a useless part of the group and at best does some stupid backend job which no one else wants to do.
4. There will be some companies that will focus on something called "cross functional experience" that they give to their new hires. After boasting it so proudly, the next slide for their training programs will show that they will take you through 6 departments in 3 months and that will add some cosmic "value" to you!!!
5. The companies that shamelessly offer the least packages will be the ones that feel most proud in disclosing their package.To add to it, they will even start looking you in your face as if that miserable package would have made your face glow like a moon and given you a reason to continue living on this beautiful planet!
6. The package that the company will offer you will "depend". It will always depend upon factors that the HR doesnot think that you are capable enough or eligible to understand.
(This is what her body language/expressions/whatever will tell u)
7. If you are persistent in knowing what that "depends" means...
Then well.. it depends upon "what you bring to the table"
By the way.. where that table is .. or what i am supposed to "bring to that table" is still remains a well kept secret.
8. Your package will also depend upon "relevant" experience. Somehow no experience will seem relevant and after a few ppt's ... you will end up feeling like the most irrelevant person around !!
9. Opportunities that the companies will give you will always be based on something called "need".. believe me... for 95 percent of people there will be no such "need" when they need it.
10. If something depends upon "how you perform in the organization".. forget it .. its just a bait!!
11. When ever HR says "There have been cases...when so and so happened" in reply to your question for some opportunities.. ..you should actually interpret it as...
"as a policy .. this particular thing doesnot happen... atleast i have never seen such a stupid thing happening in the past 3 yrs i have been with the company...... but still 1-2 odd people out of our 50,000+ workforce ... i swear i dont know how ...but somehow managed it"
I guess you are a bit more clear about your chances now!!! :)
12. Most low paying companies will be in the middle of their compensation review.. which they guarentee "might" most probably result in better packages!
I guess you are a bit more clear about your chances now!!! :)
12. Most low paying companies will be in the middle of their compensation review.. which they guarentee "might" most probably result in better packages!
13. There will always be a set of companies.. who ... before the final moment of truth (read salary disclosure) will suddenly once again start talking about how people centric their organization is, its values and the growth it offers etc etc
These are typically the companies with good brandnames but offering peanuts in their salaries...
and someone has very aptly put it....
"If you throw peanuts.. you will get monkeys only"
14. And last of all .....if u are anyways proud to have worked for some seemingly esteemd IT organization like an Infosys or an IBM ... then better have a strong heart because some companies that you will desperately want to get into will look down upon you & shoooo you away saying ...
"We dont want people with BPO experience......" Huuuhhh
to be true...this one actually breaks my heart... :(
But all said and done... they have every right to treat you like this coz they all seem to have one common philosoply now a days....
"We dont offer jobs.. we offer careers...!!!! "
posted by Abhishek Kochar | 1:22 AM
1 Comments:
You could not have been more precise in your interpretation. I wish we could circulate this link amongst the HR folks. Great piece of work!!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home